The Optimistic American - Audio Edition

Apr 12, 2023

In this episode of The Optimistic American, Paul Johnson sits down with Dr. Emily Basha to talk about the friction that exists between attachment and anti-fragililty when raising children. They discuss what it takes to raise confident kids, how to bring up anti-fragile kids, and ways to support your child's sense of agency.

• Paul and Emily start the conversation by describing what it takes to raise a child correctly.
• Know that people will criticize and judge your parenting style no matter what you do.
• For Emily, you are not forever damned if you had a poor childhood. You can still do something to salvage the situation for you and your kids.
• Emily breaks down the concept of scaffolding your kids and whether it's effective for all types of kids.
• Paul and Emily agree that parents need to give themselves a break - parenting is complex, and you're doing your very best.
• According to Paul, to love your kids, you need to also care for yourself.
• Paul and Emily assess what the research says about caregiver stress and why it's the most predictive component of a child's well-being.
• Emily dissects attachment theory and the four distinct types of attachments.
• Paul shares all of us are leaders in that leadership is defined as the ability to influence people. We are leaders as parents trying to mold our children into leaders.
• Emily and Paul go through the four main types of parenting styles and how they overlap with each other.
• Paul and Emily discuss the concept of anti-fragility. Both agree that kids need attachment but anti-fragile children’s learning can be inhibited by overprotective parents who believe they need to be handled with care.
• Emily is convinced that parents who see their kids as fragile objects rarely raise confident and courageous kids.
• It is an error to believe what doesn't kill you makes you weaker. According to Paul, believing that failure and painful experiences will do lasting damage is setting your children up for long-term failure.
• For Emily, using anti-fragility concepts turns children into confident and courageous persons - but it takes hard work.
• Paul points to behavior psychologist Jonathan Haidt in the Coddling of the American Mind and the challenges and causes of our children being less resilient to what others think of them.
• Emily explains why we need to raise kids who can do what is unconventional despite what others think.
• Paul talks about the consequences of over-intruding in your child's life.
• According to Paul, safety is important when raising kids, but we have over valued emotional safety and studies have indicated this is resulting in higher levels of stress and depression.
• Paul and Emily discuss the hierarchy of agency as it relates to raising your kids.
• Paul and Emily discuss how to teach your children independence and give them the power to actualize their dreams.

Mentioned in This Episode:

optamerican.com

Addictive Ideologies: Finding Meaning and Agency When Politics Fail You by Dr Emily Bashah and Hon Paul Johnson

The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature by Steven Pinker

The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure by Jonathan Haidt