Aug 3, 2022
Maybe you’re familiar with this pattern - where you can see the
best in people. Is it a blessing or a curse? Or what if you have a
habit of having specific expectations of a person and they
continually do not ‘live up to it’ and you are constantly
By seeing the best in someone (their potential), are you putting
expectations on them and causing pain for both parties? Even though
it comes from a genuinely good place, it can create so much
disappointment and discord. We talk about accepting partners and
family for who they are versus wanting them to change, how to
navigate these situations, and how to evolve and grow with less
It can feel confusing, so we try to make sense of it. We discuss
some realizations that we’ve experienced and how they have affected
different relationships. Tune in and gain some insights to help you
understand your patterns to alleviate the pain you may be causing
yourself and your relationships.
Key Points In Episode:
- Have a mantra - see people as they are. This means dropping
your own expectations of them and feeling like they need to live up
- When someone shows you who they are, pay attention. There is
not an ‘ideal’ version of that person.
- The dichotomy of it feeling like it’s a ‘good thing’ to see the
best in someone, but it causes so much pain for both you and that
- To truly love someone, you need to accept them for who they
are, versus loving a fantasy character.
- Look at HOW you are loving a person.
- Is holding someone accountable for what the person wants for
themselves hurtful or helpful?
- Allow people to evolve in their own time and on their own
terms, not yours.
- We all want people to ‘show up’ in specific ways in our lives,
but it can create pain and frustration and become a wedge in a
- Loving and seeing people for who they really are is freeing.
There is less pressure in the relationship and less friction.
- When is it okay to ask for adjustments in behavior and
compromise to help your relationship grow and how is that
- Sarah and Emily discuss how this is different with romantic
relationships versus family or friends.
- What ‘change’ are you asking of your partner? Ask yourself if
it’s realistic or judgemental? Figure out why you are asking this
of them. Will it better your relationship or hurt it? In the grand
scheme of things, how important is it?
- When someone is not willing to create change to make you feel
safe and good in the relationship and the nuances of relationships
that make you feel safe.
- How to understand your own patterns in relationships and where
you are actually causing yourself pain.
- They chat about the expectations of others treating you like
you treat them. Is that reasonable? Do you need to adjust
expectations? Are you creating a pedestal for your own
- How looking at enneagrams and other people’s ‘numbers’ can help
you communicate more effectively.
- Not everyone has the same priority as you, and realizing that
- Create awareness and notice when you are judging people through
your own belief systems.
- When to communicate your needs so it doesn’t become a bigger
problem in the future.
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Inner Archeology Email
Sarah Turner on Instagram
Emily Pennystone on Instagram